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  It was the first time she’d allowed herself to think of her father in the past tense. The thought was difficult to swallow, but she had to face it sooner or later. Joel was missing, most likely dead, and she and Nate were truly alone, the last of their small Baker family.

  They had to stick together.

  Cass had to talk to Nate, had to do whatever she could to smooth things over between them as much as possible. She doubted he would ever forget, much less forgive her, but maybe they could find a way to live together. There wasn’t another choice.

  “Nate,” Cass started, keeping her voice low not to startle him. He didn’t say anything, keeping his eyes locked on the road, both hands on the steering wheel where he gripped it so tightly they’d turned whiter than the headlights.

  “We need to talk,” Cass said.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” Nate snapped, terse and punishing, just like their father.

  “Yes, there is, there’s plenty to fucking talk about. Listen to me, you know it was an accident, I never meant to do what I did,” Cass said, turning to face him in her seat. Nate slammed on the break, sending her flying against the dashboard as they screeched to a halt on the freeway. A move like that during regular traffic, during regular days, would’ve gotten them both killed—maybe that’s what he was hoping would happen.

  “Say whatever you need to say because we’re not talking about it ever again,” Nate said, glaring her down, his eyes sparkling with tears behind his glasses.

  “I’m sorry,” Cass said. It was all she could manage through the tightness in her throat, the twisting in her stomach.

  “It was an accident; you have to understand. Please, I know this is fucked up, but this is all we have left, it’s just you and me. I can’t do this without you.” She started to cry in earnest, tears streaming down her cheeks. Nate let out a sigh, ran a hand through his hair, and stared back out at the empty freeway.

  “I know,” Nate said. Cass’s heart jumped at the words. Could he move past this? “I don’t know if I would’ve done anything differently if I were you. I just hate that I wasn’t there, that I couldn’t have done something.”

  “It isn’t your fault any more than mine,” Cass said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. Though he jolted, like a scared animal, he eventually leaned into it, permitted himself to cry.

  “What the fuck are we going to do, Cass?” he sobbed.

  “The only thing we can do. We’re going to keep going. We have to, for Mom, it’s what she would want for both of us,” Cass said, crying along with him.

  “What if I don’t want to?” he asked.

  “You have to. I need you, don’t you dare think about leaving me,” Cass said. She wouldn’t have blamed Nate if he decided this wasn’t worth it, that he had nothing left worth fighting for, but she refused to let him just walk into it like that.

  “Why? Why do I have to?” he asked.

  “There’s gotta be hope somewhere, people we can trust. We’ve got to be able to start over, to try to make sense of all this,” Cass said.

  “And you think we’re going to find it at this military base?” Nate asked. Cass couldn’t blame him for being skeptical because she didn’t know if it was real.

  Austin had only briefly mentioned it before he begged her to come along with them, but that had to mean something. He and his family wouldn’t have run off to the base as soon as things got crazy if they didn’t think they would be safe there.

  “I don’t know. But I don’t know where else we can go. I don’t know what else we can do. The only way we can find out is to go,” she said. “Listen, if I could take it back or go back in time and redo it, you know I would—”

  “I forgive you. It wasn’t your fault,” Nate interrupted, and all the air inside Cass’s lungs left her body. She couldn’t believe her ears. Did he forgive her? “It was those assholes. They’re the ones I should be angry at, not you.”

  “Thank you,” Cass said, massaging his shoulder. It was all she could say, the only thing she could muster. What more could she ask for than his forgiveness? He’d offered it so readily, and she admired him for that. Before all this, before the world had gone to hell, Cass used to make fun of her brother for being so sensitive, so willing to see the best in people. Now, however, she appreciated it almost more than anything else.

  If things never got better, if they continued down the path they were on now, the world would need people like Nate to keep it going. Cass had already seen and done enough that she could never be that person for others, but she could damn well fight for them. She'd fight first and foremost for her brother, to honor their mother who’d fallen protecting the only thing that mattered: her kids.

  “We should get going, we’ve been here long enough,” Nate said and stepped on the gas again. Having already pressed her luck, Cass didn’t say anything, instead allowed him to retreat into his thoughts to try to find some comfort there. She fully believed they would never talk about their mother again, and that was just fine with her.

  The minutes whipped past as they weaved in and out of abandoned cars, and still, Cass couldn’t believe there was no one left on the roads. Maybe they’d all gotten the idea that being on the freeway in the middle of this was probably not the best idea. Maybe they were so clogged up that people had started taking back roads to escape the chaos. Whatever it was, Cass was grateful.

  When they reached the exit for Katella Avenue, Nate brought the car to a stop. Empty cars littered the exit ramp, blocking their path.

  Nate carefully wound between them and turned the car’s front just enough to shine the headlights down the exit ramp, as if that might help them see anything down the road, but all they saw were yet more abandoned cars. Some had their doors hanging open, some had been sideswiped, and others were nothing but charred husks.

  “Are you sure about this?” Nate asked.

  “We’re almost there, we have to see it through,” Cass said. Nate nodded, swallowed, and put the car back in gear. They rolled slowly down the exit ramp, both of them anxiously looking over their shoulders as they did so, and when they merged onto Katella Avenue, Cass let out the breath she’d been holding. There was nothing there except for more cars, more emptiness.

  “Which way?” Nate asked.

  “East,” Cass said, pointing to her right, and Nate set off that way, going so slow they could’ve walked faster. Still, because of all the cars and debris on the road, they couldn’t have gone much faster.

  They drove for nearly a mile without seeing anything other than empty cars and ransacked gas stations; their windows smashed out, their supplies strewn about the parking lots. Given its proximity to the base, Cass couldn’t believe the state of the town, but clearly, no one and nothing had been immune to the store and its after-effects.

  They were rolling through a traffic light intersection when a pair of headlights flashed across the rearview mirror. Nate slammed on the brakes, sending Cass flying against the dashboard again, her hands bracing herself from the impact. Nate killed the ignition and the headlights as fast as he could.

  “What are you doing?” Cass hissed. They needed to move, to get as far away as possible from whoever was behind them. What if they caught up? What if it was the gang guys chasing them down?

  “Get down,” Nate ordered, pushing Cass down into the floor of the passenger seat. The headlights from the other car whipped past, the vehicle’s engine roaring. It was a Humvee, similar to the one they’d seen in their neighborhood before they’d left, but it didn’t have the spray-painted devil logo on it like their car did.

  “Were they military?” Cass whispered.

  “I don’t know. Sure looked like it. We’ll give it a few minutes. Maybe they didn’t see us,” Nate said.

  “Wait, if they were with the base, wouldn’t we want them to find us?” Cass asked.

  “Yeah, but what if they aren’t?” Nate asked, and Cass swallowed hard. He was right; they couldn’t be reckless. Cass sat crouched on the
floor of the car, trying to maintain her breathing. What if they came back? What if they recognized the stupid fucking logo painted on the hood of their car? Regardless of whether the people in Humvee were with the gang or with the military, the logo would catch their attention.

  Light filled the cabin of the car, startling Cass. It was so bright, shining directly through the windshield that it was blinding and inescapable.

  “What the fuck?!” Nate shouted, shielding his face with his hands. Cass couldn’t see anything, couldn’t make sense of it, even as she looked in every direction.

  “Get out of the car with your hands above your heads!” a voice shouted, magnified by something, maybe a megaphone. Cass’s blood froze in her veins. They’d been found, and it didn’t sound like it was by friendly people.

  “What do we do?” Nate asked, his eyes wide behind his glasses.

  “We don’t have a choice, we have to get out,” Cass said. She didn’t want to do it any more than he did, but she couldn’t see another way out. If it was the gang, they were dead—but gang members wouldn’t talk like that. They wouldn’t have ordered them out of the car with their hands held high.

  Then again, that could’ve been part of the trap.

  In either case, Cass would have to lead the charge. She’d have to be strong for Nate, now and maybe forever, but he could be strong for her too in different ways.

  Slowly, Cass opened the car door and stepped out, holding her hands above her head. Nate followed, visible only thanks to the shadow he cast across the asphalt. The light was so bright Cass couldn’t look directly at it, and even indirect exposure made her eyes water.

  “Stop right there. Are you armed?” the booming voice asked.

  “No!” Cass shouted.

  “Lie down on the ground and put your hands behind your back, both of you,” the voice said. Though it was difficult to tell, Cass was almost certain she heard the clanking of a gun moving between hands. She didn’t dare defy the voice, not that she could’ve done much anyway, so she got down on her knees first, still holding her hands in the air, before lying down on the pavement.

  Nate laid down beside her, his eyes locked on hers. Cass wished she could reach out to him, hold his hand, but if she tried the people who’d stopped them might think she was reaching for a weapon, so she laid still.

  Hands were on her in a matter of seconds, rough, calloused hands, pulling her to her feet. Despite the blinding light, Cass saw a man in military garb, a helmet on his head, before her eyes when he feet found the ground again.

  “Who are you?” he asked, inches away from her face.

  “Cass,” she answered, her voice trembling. She wasn’t sure if she should be afraid or not, but what else could she feel? The information Cass did or didn’t provide could change how this went, so she had to play it cautiously. She and Nate were both vulnerable, they couldn’t defend themselves against men like this, and she knew how suspicious they must’ve looked to the men.

  “Where did you come from?” the man asked. Cass looked at Nate as the soldiers yanked him to his feet. Three men stood around him, each of them holding AR-15s or something resembling one.

  “Culver City. We were at home, but our parents didn’t make it, and we’d heard about the base, so we decided to come,” Cass said.

  “Who told you about it?”

  “Austin Matthews,” Cass said, and the man burst out laughing.

  “You gotta be shittin’ me,” he said. Cass wasn’t, but how could she say that? The man tore off his helmet and motioned to the guys holding the obnoxiously bright light. When Cass’s eyes adjusted, she found Scott, Austin’s dad, standing smirking at her.

  “Scott?” she asked, convinced the little swirls and stars still popping in her vision were playing a trick on her.

  “Why the hell were you out driving around in a gang banger’s car? You trying to get yourselves killed?” Scott asked. Cass couldn’t answer. Scott was there, which meant Austin was there too. She hadn’t been trying to get them killed; she’d been trying to keep them alive.

  It worked.

  22

  Ashley kept her eyes on the road.

  Joel sat behind the wheel of the massive truck they’d stolen, the only one that worked. Joel’s knuckles gripped the steering wheel so tightly they looked like they might snap, but she couldn’t blame him. In all his days, for all his talk, he probably never imagined he would have to take the life of another person, least of all in the way he’d done it.

  But he’d done it, just like Ashley had, and for the very same reason. It wasn’t choice; it wasn’t an act of will, it was out of desperation, survival. The man who’d been living in the shack by the dunes had attacked them with a shotgun. So when the chance presented itself, Joel did what he had to do.

  They had both killed now, and the realization must’ve hit Joel like a sack of bricks. She watched him from the passenger seat of the truck as they bobbed along the 101, the ocean to their side, twinkling joyfully as if the whole world was the way it was the last time the sun had risen. Ashley couldn’t get a read on him.

  He seemed to be gone, removed to another plane or something. Maybe that was how he dealt with this; maybe he just had to dissociate. That was what Ashley had done, so she understood. Ashley wanted to say something to him, offer him some comfort the way he’d tried to do for her—but what could she possibly say?

  “Joel,” Ashley started, and he jumped. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “It’s fine,” he said, keeping his eyes locked on the road. The nice thing about driving on the stretch of freeway that ran along the coast was that, for whatever reason, people in the cities seemed not to have thought to use it as a thoroughfare to get the hell out.

  “We’re almost to my dad’s house,” Ashley said. It was plain, undecorated, but she couldn’t think of a more graceful way to say it. Finally, he turned, just for a second, and searched her face. He had to have known what it meant, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask the question. It didn’t seem to matter to Joel.

  “You know it’s going to be dangerous, right?” Joel asked. Of course, she did. Everything they’d been through so far had been dangerous. For the love of God, they’d had to kill people, both of them, to get where they were now, and Ashley didn’t see that stopping anytime soon. She only hoped she could keep it together if and when they found her father, especially if things didn’t…

  No, Ashley couldn’t afford to think that way. The only possibility she could hold in her mind was that her dad was alive and well, maybe holed up inside the house with a gun, ready to defend himself and his property.

  That was the image she’d always carried of her father—a tough old curmudgeon, even when he was a total asshole to her. That’s where Ashley had gotten her fire, her desire to keep fighting, and why she couldn’t give into the darkness now.

  “Yes, I know it’s going to be dangerous. I can handle it. Can you?” Ashley asked. She’d be able to do what she needed to when the time came, but Joel seemed shaken, like he might waffle if things got too dangerous, if he had to take someone’s life again.

  Ashley couldn’t afford uncertainty now, not when they were heading into one of the more prominent cities along the coast. They’d been lucky so far and hadn’t come across many people at all since the bridge back in Richmond, but their luck couldn’t last forever.

  “I can handle it,” Joel said, furrowing his brow as he stared at the road. They fell silent, nothing but the noise of the truck filling the space between them, and Ashley had no choice but to believe him. Time would tell whether or not he would have what it took, but she couldn’t think about that now.

  As they crossed into the city limits, they passed a sign spray painted in Spanish: “Cuidado con el Diablo.”

  “Did that say what I think it did?” Joel asked.

  “Beware of the devil, yeah,” Ashley said, fear creeping up into her throat. What the hell did it mean? The only devil Ashley had seen since the EMP was
humanity itself.

  Ashley looked at Joel, who stared back at her. Was it a warning? It was spray-painted on a giant piece of plywood, stood up against a street sign. For all she knew, it could’ve been false, a scare tactic designed to keep people from coming into the city. It wasn’t a bad idea to stay away, but Ashley couldn’t do that. She had to know what it happened, one way or the other, no matter the danger. Everything they’d been through had led to this, and they were almost there.

  “What do you think it means?” Joel asked.

  “No idea,” Ashley answered. “Maybe it’s a gang or something. I wouldn’t be surprised if the thugs in town saw the EMP as an opportunity to make a splash.”

  “Fuck,” Joel cursed. But at the moment, they had bigger problems. The street they’d been following had narrowed, and there were so many abandoned cars on the road they could barely get through. Joel brought the truck to a stop and slammed his hands against the steering wheel.

  “It’s too clogged. We can’t get through here in the truck without making a bunch of noise,” Joel said. “Given the sign we just saw, we probably shouldn’t draw too much attention to ourselves.”

  “If they’re organized enough to make people put up signs warning about them, they already know we’re here,” Ashley said. “We’ll just have to walk the rest of the way.” She wouldn’t be stopped now, not when they were this close to her dad’s house. He lived just off Main Street, not far from the city center. It would be a hotbed of activity, gang-related or otherwise, but they had no choice other than to go right through it.

  “Are you serious?” Joel asked.

  “Dead serious,” Ashley said and reached for the shotgun standing barrel down in the floor between them. Joel let out a chuckle.

  “Well, then I guess we’re committed to it,” he said. He put the truck in park and killed the ignition along with the headlights. They’d probably already drawn enough attention to themselves just from the noise of the truck, but the lights wouldn’t do them any favors.